Scratch marks, weird bruises, crushes, time bombs and stripper status

I wish this would be an happy blog, me talking about stripper status, I will mention it below or me talking about how I acquired bite marks on my chest and lower back.... (well, obviously I didn't give them to myself) or anything else BUT what I'm about to blog about. I'm leaving this place, not in a month, not in a week, now as in in 15 hours. To me, I don't know where this two years have went, most of the two years have been a blur (thanks again alcohol). When I say a blur, most of my first year here, I spent drunkenly patrolling the streets with my girl, broke up with my ex bf (well he broke up with me, I mean honestly who can really remember THOSE details), spent months crying over him, met tons of rebounds and spent another 4-6 months patrolling the streets again with my then-soon to be next rebound (aka my then best guy friend). I had an actually crazy year. I wish I could begin to recount what happened over the past two years.

I do know what happened over the past few months have been the best few months of my life. I had an EPIC weekend, so epic that people are stopping my friends in the streets (people I don't know) and telling my friends about what I did that weekend. I wish I can recount the tale of THAT weekend, all I know there is a video, I haven't seen it yet but I have begged and pleaded with my guy friends to hold off (my dad is on my facebook and probably on damn youtube...THANKS again technology for continuously showcasing to the world that sweet and innocent is definitely not synonyms of MY name). I've rebounded through a few guy friends, shockingly, only two out of the many were weird to the point where we're not friends anymore. Like not friends on facebook friends, yep, gasp, SHOCK, AWW, that really happened. I've also done a lot of morally questionable things here, made up the quote of all time and became the best girl friend ever (not as in GIRLFRIEND as in GIRL and FRIEND, I'm a terrible girlfriend). Did I mention that I may or may not have "fallen" for my now guy friend? Yep...

Not the one where I got my bite marks, scratch marks and "weird" bruises from, nope the other one. The one where my girl friend said "you two would be a really great couple, mostly because he gets you". Yep, him, and it's easy for me to be with other guys because I know that I will never feel for them and even though I know that they could easily feel for me (not to effing flatter myself, well, I can because I'm SMAWESOME but all the guys friends I have had have had a crush on me, at least three times, true story and you can quote me) So, I like the Current but I like him for what he can DO to me *eyebrow raise* not what he can do for me. We get along great, the kinky-kink-kinkiness is fantastic except the week after (CURSE YOU, I'm still a limpin!) but I would never date the Current in real life. We could never exist in REAL LIFE ever, never ever, one, he cheats two, he cheats and three he annoys me. Though, the FRIEND, I can see myself with, guys that I know that things would be beyond great, amazing, relationship, I'm just afraid to pursue because it's scary, the whole thing and I would do anything to stop from wanting to be with the so now obviously flaming homosexual. He's not TOO flaming, you know since he makes out with girls every weekend and denies he's gay , hates gays but is so obviously gay. "Cut the rug anybody" and so obviously still living in the 90s. Pssh, let me waste no more breath on him, I wish he would fucking delete me off of facebook, damn, I won't delete him, he needs to realize how awesome my life is. Though with the friend, if I do feel the same way in a few months, I think it'd be worth it to pursue a long distance, I think so, I think so, I like I like.... Anyway.

I do want to talk about stripper status. Seriously on Saturday night, I saw a STRIPPER at the club. I know, so exciting, what's new, no, I mean, stripper as in stripping off her clothes, dancing on the pole stripper. She was too good on the pole to not be a stripper and the sad thing was, I stopped drinking my drink for twenty whole minutes to watch her put on a show. None of my guy friends were remotely interested, one even said "When I look at her, I think of HIV and AIDS". I'm pretty sure HIV and AIDS are the same thing but I agreed as I watched her put on the show. I wanted to give her money but since I was getting drinks by my lowcut shirt and big boobs, I so obviously did not have any money. She inspired me to get a stripper pole and learn how to strip, the night before, I kind of put on a strip show, strip show as in my clothes were on but I was dancing on a pole. Or living vividly through what my college life WOULD be if I you know, actually went to college.

We Spin in Circles/We Go Around

Morals and I, we kind of get along sometimes. Sometimes my morals are always in my head, don't do this, don't do that and I won't because you know, morals are important. For some reason over the past two weekends, whatever morals that I seemed to have went out the window. I don't really want to go on and on about what I've done because sometimes, I don't even feel ashamed nor bad nor sometimes I don't care but...

Anyway, I was reading Glamour.com and the writer was asking how people are doing with their New Years Resolution. I don't even know why I bother from year to year, week two I always forget but I've been failing miserably. I hate my job more than life itself, my job stresses me out, makes me want to kick someone in the face, it's really hard to be positive when everyone around you are negative. Luckily for me, I get to leave this place in 5 days and then I'll be free! Happy and Free!! I can't wait to leave, I can't wait to start my life again and start over. So being positive will be in effect in five days. :)



We Heart It

New Years!

So, I decided (if you've noticed) that I am not going to talk about my love life in great detail aka one person, if I'm dating multiple people then whatever but one person...lol I'm supersticious. Anyway! New Years is approaching, fast approaching, as I'm sitting in my robe waiting for my straighter to heat up, I reminice about the year and man, 2009 was NOT my year or 2008. It was a fun year, I admit, I've done a lot of partying, met new friends (with me that's the norm, I love new people) and got a lot accomplished. I have a few New Years resolutions, so let me share them with you.


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Be Positive

That's it. That's my whole New Years Resolution. Anyway, Happy Drinking!

I leave you with another video... I know I'm addicted to them!

"I'm F*$cking Matt Damon!" by Sarah Silverman from Sarah Silverman

Thank Lord for Gatorade

I look like death. It's 2pm and I'm still hungover, my stomach still hurts and my room is pitch black. Oh alcohol...why would you do this to me
Which is making me say.... I'm never drinking again. Thanks to the alcohol, I not only bawled my eyes out, kissed every single one of my guy friends (none of them were complaining plus it was on the cheek, real classy), I also accepted a date somehow. Now that song by Beyonce is stuck in my head. You know the song... a female is a diva version of a hustler, yep, I just went there.

Somehow, every weekend, I con some guy into wanting to date me. Ridiculous. My guy friend told me this morning (don't worry strictly platonic) that I'm a guy stuck in a girl's body. I don't necessarily agree with that but my dating style is, I guess some would assume, kind of like a guy.
Anyway, less about that, I'm still pretty hungover. To make matters worse is that I couldn't even enjoy my Taco Bell! Well parts of it, I just downed a thing of Gatorade, I feel better.

Just enjoy this video, I'm done blabbering for the day.

When Jealous Rears its Ugly Head

I'm not going to lie and say I'm not a jealous person. A lot of my relationships with guys have been driven by jealousy, I've date guys far longer than I should have just because I didn't want another girl to have him. That's not the case of last night, I was out with Know-It All Guy and some friends, I was already in a bad mood as I'm going to explain later, so, it did not help HIS case when he mentioned some girl having a nice ass. The feeling I felt, it's nothing I've ever felt before, my face got really hot, my ears began to ring and my hand itched to slap him across the face. I've bickered with guys before, they've mentioned hot girls and I don't think I've ever felt what I felt that moment in time. I knew he was saying that to make me jealous which in all retrospect, I did all I could last night to make him jealous. In both cases, it worked. Anyway, as I was laying in bed all night, tossing and turning, I began to think: is all that wank I've said about not wanting relationships not true?

I mean, last night, I went out of my way to be mean to him because I'm just so confused on where I stand with him. I rarely go out of my way to make some miserable but in his case, I definitely did last night. I purposely didn't ride in the car with him, wait for him or try and sit next to him, all of this left him in a state of confusion. Not only that, I was only mean to him, he so (in my eyes, hopefully) commented that I was being mean to everyone with that I replied "No, only to you". Wow and I looked back at that the moment I went home, I didn't feel good about myself like I usually do when I tell guys off, no, I felt ashamed, I felt stupid and petty. Instead of just telling him how I felt (which he asked, oh so many times) I attacked him for not being able to read my mind. Which made me confused, the whole being ashamed of myself, I declared myself not into him a while ago, I roll my eyes when I talk about the fact he's a musician (I think singers and guitar players are corny, he's both). I roll my eyes even more when he talks about work but if I really didn't like him, I wouldn't care at all about whoever this stranger girl was.

So, I realized unwillingly that I liked him, the things that I say out loud is stupid, is not stupid, the fact he sings to me when I'm not smiling, I say it stupids, I laugh about it but I like it a lot. All the things that I said I would never like in a guy, I like in him which drives me mad. I don't know why I like him, I do but I'm confused, I thought I knew what I wanted, I don't obviously. Now, I think to myself, I want something with him like going to the movies or something and I'm scared. I'm only extremely mean when I'm afraid that someones going to hurt me first or I'm afraid or both. I'm just confused and like most women, I don't know what I really want.

Singleton, Singletown and Single-ish? Check!

So, I lied, this post is about boys and still not giving a damn! Whoot but even to the next level. Hollah. Anyway, I watched about a dozen people get married (mostly on facebook once in real life) and I realized, I love being single. I love playing the dating game and despite my friend's hopes and dreams of me settling down, getting married, etc, I kind of want to vomit on the relationship kingdom and continue being single. That was a run on sentence but do you get what I'm saying? Don't get me wrong, I love being in a relationship but I need to date, I've been only dating for two years and I want to date, for real, hardcore serial dater not date two guys and BAM relationship. Nope, not anymore, nothing you can say or do that will make me jump into another relationship. I want to call the shots, I want to do what I want and I want to pick up my clothes, leave a guy's house and sleep in my OWN BED. Yes! My bed, my pillows that smell like ME not effing B.O. Gross.

A Little Piece of Me...I guess

I haven't realized this until it was forced to be recognized. I date more than average. And as I'm reading blogs from girls that haven't dated let alone caught a guy's eye in months, maybe years, I realize that I'm a dating machine. Well...not really, the longest I've gone without going out with someone (un-exclusively because like most guys I am a complete and utter commitment phobic) is probably two months but I'm not good at relationships while the last "relationship" I had, I confused myself and thought I was utterly in love with this chap but I was indeed not. When I think about it now, hanging out with him silence was fine, watching a movie was fine but talking to him, talking to him without getting annoyed because he was bragging about himself again was irritating, it infuriated me to no end and him saying he was 5'9 when he was clearly not....annoyed me. oh and the fact that he was always butthurt over something (thank you Laguna beach for broadening my language horizon) granted, I am kind of cruel when I want to be and I definitely didn't bat an eye when he annoyed me and I told him so... but still, I’m used to men being able to take what I issue or tell me off, stand your ground, nothing is sexier to me than a man telling me what's up when the time calls for it but a man who backs down to me. I've heard from guys that the reason why some are meeker than others is because they're afraid that they stand up, they'll lose so said person. Well, I'm not the person who stays if someone can't stand.

I want a man kind of like myself because I don't like people walking all over me, so, I tell them and I guess that's why I attract a lot more men than usual well, from when I was eighteen. I was young and by golly, desperate and I pleaded with a man to not leave me, yes, desperately begging him to be with me, it was a sad, low point of my life but I sum it up to me being eighteen and never having a boyfriend before but now, I don't give a fig when then I did, I've noticed the less I care the more guys flock to me. I've picked up the phone a number of less than ten times over a course of a month and somehow, I have this boy desperately doing numbers for me. It's cute but I don't care.

My life no longer revolves around boys. My friends make me happy, being in school makes me happy, my family makes me happy, what do I need a boy for when I'm only twenty? I like being able to do what I want, when I want, I don't like limiting myself to date one boy. If I could, I would date many at the same time but it seems that boys automatically assume that we're together even though there was no verbal confirmation. I don't live on ifs and maybes if I don't know then I'm not going to assume and I'm going to live my life the way I want and if it means dating another boy...so be it. My heart is free and I belong to no one. Except the military, they own me but no man have any claims on me other than my father (who I adore very much). So, I guess that what appeals to men, not being able to tie one girl down. It's kind of distressing...I mean, this is the secret, I believe. My guy friend has told me that the fact that I am the way I am (extremely…blunt) that I’m more appealing even though my looks have not change, I still look the same. And I guess months ago (take a look at my first blog) I would've jumped for joy, I would've said, YES, I FOUND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (harrh harrh harry pottahh) but how many times do I have to stress that I don't care. Unwittingly, under the mist of not caring, I've gotten myself a boyfriend. Yes. I do have a boyfriend or whatever I get when someone asks to go out but since I PCS (mandatory move) from this base in less than five months, it doesn't mean much to me. He knows this, I've told him once if not a thousand times that I want to date casually, I have no idea if he knows it means I want to be able to date other people but I will let
him know.

So....what am I trying to iterate? Other than nothing? Well, live life, a guy shouldn't define you because if you just continuing to live your life without a guy and have fun doing it (not sitting around moping about guys you don't have) then you'll find someone. My best friend is blissfully married and extremely happy and I couldn't be happier. Good for her, do I wish it was me? At times but I'm far too emotionally immature to be in her situation. Anyways, I bid you good day!

P.S. I'm honestly always tired of talking about boys. Next post it will be honestly about my life which I don't do much but complain about this stupid man who cannot spell but is over me and hanging out with my friends. Snore.