A Little Piece of Me...I guess

I haven't realized this until it was forced to be recognized. I date more than average. And as I'm reading blogs from girls that haven't dated let alone caught a guy's eye in months, maybe years, I realize that I'm a dating machine. Well...not really, the longest I've gone without going out with someone (un-exclusively because like most guys I am a complete and utter commitment phobic) is probably two months but I'm not good at relationships while the last "relationship" I had, I confused myself and thought I was utterly in love with this chap but I was indeed not. When I think about it now, hanging out with him silence was fine, watching a movie was fine but talking to him, talking to him without getting annoyed because he was bragging about himself again was irritating, it infuriated me to no end and him saying he was 5'9 when he was clearly not....annoyed me. oh and the fact that he was always butthurt over something (thank you Laguna beach for broadening my language horizon) granted, I am kind of cruel when I want to be and I definitely didn't bat an eye when he annoyed me and I told him so... but still, I’m used to men being able to take what I issue or tell me off, stand your ground, nothing is sexier to me than a man telling me what's up when the time calls for it but a man who backs down to me. I've heard from guys that the reason why some are meeker than others is because they're afraid that they stand up, they'll lose so said person. Well, I'm not the person who stays if someone can't stand.

I want a man kind of like myself because I don't like people walking all over me, so, I tell them and I guess that's why I attract a lot more men than usual well, from when I was eighteen. I was young and by golly, desperate and I pleaded with a man to not leave me, yes, desperately begging him to be with me, it was a sad, low point of my life but I sum it up to me being eighteen and never having a boyfriend before but now, I don't give a fig when then I did, I've noticed the less I care the more guys flock to me. I've picked up the phone a number of less than ten times over a course of a month and somehow, I have this boy desperately doing numbers for me. It's cute but I don't care.

My life no longer revolves around boys. My friends make me happy, being in school makes me happy, my family makes me happy, what do I need a boy for when I'm only twenty? I like being able to do what I want, when I want, I don't like limiting myself to date one boy. If I could, I would date many at the same time but it seems that boys automatically assume that we're together even though there was no verbal confirmation. I don't live on ifs and maybes if I don't know then I'm not going to assume and I'm going to live my life the way I want and if it means dating another boy...so be it. My heart is free and I belong to no one. Except the military, they own me but no man have any claims on me other than my father (who I adore very much). So, I guess that what appeals to men, not being able to tie one girl down. It's kind of distressing...I mean, this is the secret, I believe. My guy friend has told me that the fact that I am the way I am (extremely…blunt) that I’m more appealing even though my looks have not change, I still look the same. And I guess months ago (take a look at my first blog) I would've jumped for joy, I would've said, YES, I FOUND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (harrh harrh harry pottahh) but how many times do I have to stress that I don't care. Unwittingly, under the mist of not caring, I've gotten myself a boyfriend. Yes. I do have a boyfriend or whatever I get when someone asks to go out but since I PCS (mandatory move) from this base in less than five months, it doesn't mean much to me. He knows this, I've told him once if not a thousand times that I want to date casually, I have no idea if he knows it means I want to be able to date other people but I will let
him know.

So....what am I trying to iterate? Other than nothing? Well, live life, a guy shouldn't define you because if you just continuing to live your life without a guy and have fun doing it (not sitting around moping about guys you don't have) then you'll find someone. My best friend is blissfully married and extremely happy and I couldn't be happier. Good for her, do I wish it was me? At times but I'm far too emotionally immature to be in her situation. Anyways, I bid you good day!

P.S. I'm honestly always tired of talking about boys. Next post it will be honestly about my life which I don't do much but complain about this stupid man who cannot spell but is over me and hanging out with my friends. Snore.