Sticky Hands, Sticky Fingers, Sticky

I'm going on VACATION! Well technically it's not vacation, I'm going to the bright and busy Tokyo for a few days with a few friends, with THE Friend but surprisingly, I'm excited about the VACATION, did I mention, I'm getting away from work, yessssssss. I know, how can I decide that I want to go on vacation when I live in the bright sunny and beautiful tropical paradise. I mean look at where I live... yep the bright and sunny beach side that's pictured in the left. I do love where I live but DAMN, wouldn't you get tired of unpredictable weather, humid heat and...umm...I have no idea why I'm complaining about tropical paradise, um LOOK WHERE I LIVE, anyway whatever, I need to visit, I need to be surrounded by men and most of all, I need some H&M in my life. I can't live without it.

And to top off things that I can't live without, Lindsay Lohan's leaked song Stuck is always on my brain, always being hummed underneath my breath. So catchy and every person has been there, just stuck on a certain person. Hell, I've been there many times as I mentioned before, I like to convince myself that I'm in love but I do admit, I was ALMOST there when I was 19. It was my most serious and only relationship kind of relationship (does that make sense). He lured me with amazing sex and a slightly good personality (when he wasn't telling me I should be wearing thongs hanging out of my pants with my bra showing through my shirt- no lies, you can't make that shit up) when I tried to submit an Ex-Boyfriend Letter to Skinny Dip, I literally couldn't even think of all the bad things he have done to me other than the cheating and the constant fighting whether it was over Myspace or through voicemail. I just dismiss that relationship as a petty relationship between two hotheaded, stubborn children. Some days I even forget how he looks like that's how insignificant he is to me.

Though, word on the street is that he's still talking about me. Almost two years later and I'm still on his mind. I guess I just got it like that :)

Passion....that's all I got

I'm passionate about love. Not just love. Finding love. I want to be in love. I want to feel what everybody else is feeling. Even if it means convincing myself that I love someone even though I'm a terrible liar, I'm an amazing actress, somedays I even believe myself which is even scarier. I wonder what I feel is real sometimes, I've never been in love and I can say this without a smile and honesty. Even though I cared about T I never loved him, I never foresee myself with him, my life with him would've been blank and unimaginable. I can't describe the feelings I felt towards him other than passion, everything was passionate, sex was amazing, sex was more than amazing, the generosity (when he was generous enough to give it to me) was something I enjoyed. I loved his kisses and being goofy with him but something was missing and I opted to not marry him. Sometimes I wonder if I'm coldhearted, there's so many men that I've been through so many names I've begin to forget, so many events blurred together. I can't even remember what happened when and when happened what. Do you get me? It's hard as Hell some days because none of these people meant anything to me. It's weird, I think it's weird and I think to myself "Am I a heartless bitch meant to live her life in spinster town like fuck?" I mean, I look at those guys, some were amazing, some were't and I know that I purposely drive guys away unknowingly too, I throw fits because I'm the princess, I do what the fuck I want, (I say this sarcastically), I see other guys because UM HEY, there is no ring on my finger, I haven't updated my Facebook status, this is MEANINGLESS. Though, somehow I convince myself somehow through all of this even though inner me is saying "NO, he's NOT the one" convinces myself that I want to be with him and settle.

Now, onto my now ongoing problem even though I said I wouldn't blog about this. I will, the reason why I've never started anything with the Friend is because I was afraid. Afraid of everything, I've been through instances where I've began things with a friend and I didn't want to go through that again. There has been times and almosts, so many I can barely count with us. And I just don't know. I just don't know and already we're talking about seeing each other when we're both home and isn't that how it all begins? I just don't know and it's weird and annoying, I hate it.

I'm also passionate about clothes. Fashion, my friends and family. I guess that because I've been loved all my life that I just want to share my love with more than my family and friends. I want to love with no bounds and be loved with no bounds.

All I've Ever Wanted

It's almost 5 in the morning and I still can't sleep. I'm brimming in between excitement and fear, why? Well, I'm meeting up with a few friends in a town close by and guess who'll be there? Yep, the Friend, anyway, it made me think about how some things that seem so right happen at the wrong time? Well, I'm ready now.

Anyway, last night I was tasked with one of the most impossible tasks. Staying up all night, now, anybody who has met me briefly know three things about me, I love my food, I love my freedom and I definitely love my sleep. I looooove my sleep, I wouldn't sacrifice it for anybody, I have hung up on my parents before when they've called me at an indecent hour, if it's not an emergency, don't think about disturbing me. So, while last night, I was tasked with the impossible, I thought of all the possible things I could do to conquer the impossible. Let me tell you, I failed miserably and winded up passing out multiple times before I gave up. Worst idea I've ever had, I woke up a couple times last night, I have no idea what I've done, I was in a state between sleep and reality. It was terrible, I wrote a friend on facebook cussing him out, I talked to the Friend for a bit and winded up sounding like a complete moron. It was terrible.

I wish I could say never ever again but my job is so...unpredictable, I wish I could just say eff you and go to sleep whenever I want. Though, it was kind of funny, a lot of my coworker's shifts got changed as well, the statuses on facebook were beyond hilarious. It made me think of how we're all a bunch of big whiny bitches. College kids stay up twenty four hour straight all the time, why can't us working folks do the same?

By the way, every single one of us crashed around 2am. If we were all in the same place, we would kind of look like this...








Oh well. It was a long effing day.